


space is lonely (without you in it)

by ProfoundlyInLove



Series: space pushes and pulls (you into me) [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Episode AU: s04e13 Praimfaya, F/M, Post-Episode: s04e13 Praimfaya, Praimfaya | Radiation Wave, the radio works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25774222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfoundlyInLove/pseuds/ProfoundlyInLove
Summary: “I didn’t do it.”That was the moment Murphy knew that he had to keep these radio calls to himself.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Series: space pushes and pulls (you into me) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870813
Comments: 15
Kudos: 232





	space is lonely (without you in it)

_ “I didn’t do it.”  _

That was the moment Murphy knew that he had to keep these radio calls to himself. There was no way that Bellamy could live with himself knowing what Clarke was going through on the ground. It was bad enough thinking she was dead, but knowing that she was alive and things were bad enough to hold a gun to her own head would drive him to the air hatch seal. 

It was hard enough waiting to hear if she would do it for Murphy, and he wasn’t even in love with her. Waiting for hours in total silence of the Comms room, hoping the static would crackle just slightly to prove that she didn’t pull the trigger.

Raven had checked the communication systems and said that outgoing was fried and she had said incoming would be impossible with the radiation levels combined with the fact that everyone alive was underground in a sealed bunker. 

But they never had considered that someone might actually be on the surface.

Murphy could remember watching Earth for the first few days and thinking it looked more like a sun than the planet he grew up watching from space. He couldn’t believe that Clarke lived through that, he had no idea how anyone could. It was horrifying to think that people lived underground in the hellscape that was once home. 

The first time she called and he’d actually heard it, she talked to Bellamy. That was a frequent theme. Everyone usually got a fair shot at a turn, but Bellamy definitely had more names in the hat. 

She spoke like girls in the Pre-war movies would to their boyfriends on the phone, just talking about her day. Wondering about his. Occasionally getting painfully sappy. But there were obvious signs that life was pure hell at the moment for her, and Bellamy couldn’t live with himself to hear it. 

This was the one and only time that he would bear any shit for anyone.

He couldn’t stop himself from listening to them, though. They usually came by the time everyone had already gone to bed. Murphy wasn’t sure if it was their schedule that was a wreck due to living in space, or that Clarke was just a disaster living in actual Hell.

So he’d come in late, press record until she popped on, and rooted on for another cockroach to survive. 

He honestly thought she’d lost her mind when she said she’d found a valley of green and life. It sounded like a damn good death to him. Imagine water, a beautiful forest and grass under your feet as you died. 

But then she talked about it more the next night, the next, and every night after that. He realized it was real, she wasn’t losing it. He found himself staring out the window more often after that, looking for the “One green spot left on Earth.”

When he finally saw a sliver of green on the Earth, it was time to tell Raven. There was no denying it was real, and they needed to talk to her. Even if it was just to let her know they weren’t dead, and it wasn’t for nothing. 

It took another six months for Raven to even find an idea to fix the outgoing wiring. It was harder to pull off without letting Bellamy know what they were doing. They’d long agreed it was better to fix this without telling him a way for him to talk to her. He would drive himself mad with his own thoughts. It was easy to do in space with only six other people to occupy yourself with. But when you think of all the ghosts, it gets harder to deal with. 

By the time they even considered telling Bellamy about it, Madi was nine. They liked to think of themselves as the official Aunt and Uncle. They’d spent two years listening to her grow up through Clarke and it felt like they knew her already. Sometimes Murphy was surprised Clarke even kept her considering it all. He thinks if he was alone on Earth, he’d rather cut the land in half and leave the feral child on the other side. But that was just him.

Now she was a whole person and he probably wouldn’t cut the land in half.

There were still so many days that Murphy didn’t think Bellamy could handle. Injuries, missing for days with no explanations, and just the ramblings of a girl left alone.

Bellamy suspected things these days. The late night comms meetings with Raven and Murphy. He’d caught them staring at the sliver of green at all hours, with varying emotions. Celebrations with no meaning, moments of despair when nothing was going on. 

Emori never looked him in the eye anymore, and Echo avoided him at all costs. Monty and Harper seem completely clueless and that doesn’t help the fact that something is going on, on this damn Ring and he was tired of it. 

“We haven’t fixed the outgoing yet, what the hell is the point of telling him?” Murphy snapped, quickly snapping his mouth shut in silence when he saw Bellamy round the corner to where Raven and Murphy were standing outside of the communications room late that night.

“Telling him what?” Bellamy asked carefully, eyeing the both of them. They were both upset, Murphy more agitated while Raven seemed a bit more emotional as she tried to keep herself together. Murphy paced instead of trying. He paced a lot, the Ring had marks. 

“I have to say I always knew you’d fuck it up but the timing is spectactular as always, Murphy.” Raven snipped, pointing a finger at him tauntingly, as if everything going on was his fault.

Something much more was going on. It bothered him that he didn’t know what.

“You’re the one who was desperate to tell him, Reyes, so go ahead. Tell him. Fucking crush him.” Murphy snapped back, retreating into the Comms room without another word, just letting the door slam close behind him. 

A lot of emotions passed over Raven’s expressions before she spoke. Worry, anxiety, stress, fear. 

“Madi is gone, they got in a fight and she’s gone and it’s been a day and I can’t help her!” Raven shouted, throwing her hands out in desperation, like she was trying to grasp for something that she could actually fix. So far she just couldn’t figure out a way to actually get the radio working. They would have to either destroy part of the ship, or spacewalk to salvage what they need. Neither were great options. 

Raven looked upset and on the brink of a total break and when Bellamy asked her “Who the hell is Madi?” She broke.

If looks could kill, he’d be dead and gone. Instead of words, Raven just pushed through the door of the Comms room and pulled Bellamy along with her. Murphy was sat at the chair in front of the display and it had hundreds of audio logs. Labeled  _ Clarke Day 17 _ through nearly two and a half years. 

Bellamy remembered when he found out his sister had been stabbed with a sword. He wondered if it felt like this.

He didn’t speak. Just scrolled through the archive of Clarke. It felt like in Pre-war movies where an archaeologist would find something old and amazing from the past. He selected one and at random but was still shocked to hear her voice come out over the speaker like a ghost.

_ “It’s day two hundred and four. Madi has officially decided to trust me enough to sleep in the same house. It’s almost like a family. I bet it’s nice up on the Ring, family.” _

_ “Day four hundred and seventy...six? I’m not sure honestly. It got fuzzy. We both got sick from a new plant that popped up across the valley and everything has been hazy for a few days. Think Jobinuts but longer and more puking.”  _

Clarke was alive. 

“God damnit.”

Screaming in space was pretty similar to yelling into the void, though the rest of the Ring occupants probably would disagree. 

_ “Day five hundred and twenty three. Sometimes I worry that you guys aren’t even alive up there. I can’t open the bunker by myself. Watch, I’ll just die down here and leave Madi all alone. I’ve let everyone down, the living and dead. I’m tired of it, Bellamy. It’s all a cosmic joke.” _

Bellamy didn’t leave the room until he heard every recording they had, but just as he was starting to gather himself to leave, the comms system crackled to life.

_ “Day nine hundred and thirteen. I found Madi. We’re okay. Sort of. I never anticipated having to be a parent, especially after getting to the ground. I don’t know how you did it, Bellamy. Madi reminds me of Octavia. She’s so strong and brave. I worry it’s going to get her killed. I can’t bury a body that small, Bell.”  _ Her voice was cracking and he could hear the sobs she was holding in for later in her voice.

He didn’t have to keep up appearances in the empty room floating in space, so he let himself sob until morning came.

When Raven and Murphy found him that morning, they stood by the door and didn’t speak for what felt like hours. 

“Tell me how to fix the radio, Raven. What do I have to do?”

That was how Bellamy found himself floating in space alongside Raven, only held onto reality by a rope, scavenging for parts in the wreckage still attached to the Ring but wasn’t accessible from the inside.

If he was honest, he didn’t understand what parts he was looking for. So he just took everything he could handle, assuming something would be useful at some point. 

It took another nine days for Raven to have something that was possible to work. They didn’t even know if Clarke had anything to receive a message with. But it was Clarke, so they had to have faith.

Bellamy sat at the Communications desk as Raven explained to him how to broadcast and record messages. 

She had long left by the time he even considered pressing the button to start speaking. There were too many possibilities. 

“Ring to Earth, can you hear me?” Bellamy choked out. He didn’t dare say her name, knowing that if it wasn’t her that answered, it might crush him.

The crackling silence made Bellamy irrationally angry. It’s not like he expected her to be sitting around by the radio every day waiting for a call after years of silence, but he felt it. So he waited, and waited some more.

“Clarke? Can you hear me?” He tried again, feeling the worry creep into his bones as he sat there in silence. Bellamy swore that Raven and Murphy were checking up on him all day during the waiting and every time he caught them in the doorway he wanted to swat them away like pests.

More silence. At this point he just felt defeated and started to look at the wiring under the desk, thinking something must be disconnected or they’d made a mistake.

“Skaikru?” A small voice called over the comms, sending Bellamy scrambling back up to the seat. 

“Skaikru! Bellamy Kom Skaikru!” Bellamy said excitedly, letting out the breath that he hadn’t known he was holding. It wasn’t Clarke, but it was a step, and it was more than he’d had in years.

“Bellamy?” The girl shouted, like she’d found a prize. 

“You’re in space!” She shouted again, and he had to assume it was Madi despite her never speaking on the radio before. That meant she talked about them. 

Talked about him.

“I am. Are you Madi?” Bellamy asked carefully, hoping it didn’t frighten her. Clarke had mentioned that she could be skittish when she was younger, and all she’d known for years was Clarke.

“Clarke said you’d radio. I thought she was branwoda, but you did.” Madi said quickly, her energy radiating like a sun through the radio. But he couldn’t help but want to hear Clarke.

“Is Clarke around?” Bellamy asked carefully, hoping he wouldn’t offend her.

“Oh! Nomon is on a trip to Polis to dig, she’s coming back tonight.” Madi answered without hesitation.

She’s still alive.

And Bellamy is shouting at the top of his lungs for everyone to come to the Comms room, his voice traveling through the Ring in echos. 

When they trail in one by one, they’re met with the soft voice of Madi talking about the ground and Clarke, with Bellamy listening with a soft smile on his face. Relief. The weight had been holding him down since the moment he closed the door and left her on the ground. 

Against all odds, she survived.

He didn’t kill her.

For once, Bellamy could clean the blood from his hands.

“She’s told me stories of all of you! Octavia is my favorite. But Clarke says Murphy is funny.” 

His sister was her favorite. The feral child who hid from Flamekeepers under the floor idolized the girl under the floorboards of space. It was ironic.

Raven snorts, “If Clarke is saying Murphy is funny then she really is bored.”

“Was that Raven? Clarke said you were smart and could fix anything. When you come back do you think you could fix something for me? I broke the listening part of the music player and now it only works with the Rover.”

Raven smiled to herself and ducked her head to hide the slight blush, “Yeah, kid, I’ll fix it up.”

“What’s it like down there?” Emori asked, trying to picture her home in her mind. The way it smelled and the way the ground felt under her feet.

There was a silence over the radio for a second before Madi spoke, “It’s quieter now. Nature is stronger.”

Echo formed a small smile and leaned against the back wall to imagine it.

“It’s almost time for sleep. But Clarke is supposed to be back tomorrow at first light. I will tell her you actually called. If she doesn’t believe me, that isn’t my fault.” Madi said wittily and with that she is gone. They all call out goodbyes and well wishes, not even sure if she can hear them anymore.

Bellamy never moved to leave the room and Murphy hung back while everyone else filed out for their own sleep. 

Murphy clapped his hand on Bellamy’s shoulder before speaking, “I hope you understand why we did what we did, Blake.”

Bellamy was quiet for a moment, thinking. What would he have done if he had to listen to the early days not knowing there was another file to hear? That he put her there and had to listen to her die on top of it.

“I do.” He nodded solemnly. 

“Are you guys going to finally speak to each other with words instead of weird glances and talk about feelings not war?” Murphy asked with sarcasm.

Bellamy smiled up at Murphy, “I fuckin’ hope so.”

When Murphy finally left for the night, Bellamy sat in the darkness by himself with no intention of leaving. But this time it didn’t hold dread or fear. He was hopeful, he would even say excited. It was like he was full of adrenaline, and couldn’t even think about sleeping.

So Bellamy watched the screen as the hours passed, waiting.

It was late morning on Earth when the radio crackled to life, sending Bellamy alert and ready.

“Bellamy Kom Skaikru, I told you, she wouldn’t believe me.”

“Bellamy?” 

“Clarke.”


End file.
